Ways to Cultivate Self-Love

How to experience unconditional self-love and appreciate yourself more.

Sifting through the small bouquets of seasonal flowers at Trader Joes is a small moment that I occasionally give myself. I get to pick the exact flowers that I want, and they serve as a reminder to myself that I am loved. Not only am I loved by others, but more importantly, I am loved by myself. 

American society has a tendency to encourage “superhero” identities and pressure us to work too hard, rest too little, and have harsh views of ourselves. When we do not meet these unrealistic expectations, suffering occurs. 

That being said, there is no badge of honor for running yourself into the ground. There is no award or certificate earned for running on empty; in fact it usually tends to make our situation worse. Self-love is what happens when we allow space to be authentic, gentle, and compassionate with ourselves. 

Below are a few ways to facilitate the growth of compassion toward yourself and fill up your self-love tank:

Gentle Self-Talk

Take a moment to observe your thought stream from today. Without judgement, listen to what that voice sounds like. It is mostly kind and understanding or is it harsh and unforgiving? Notice these thoughts as they arise. Are the thoughts true, kind, or necessary? If the thoughts are critical, try observing and stating to yourself “that is the self-critical voice”. By understanding that you are not your thoughts, you are able to see these passing thoughts as a leaf momentarily passing through the river of your consciousness. Sometimes we mistake the thoughts for the river, that because we thought them they must be true. Reminding ourselves that our thoughts are merely the leaf can take away their power. 

There becomes a transformation in self talk when we are learning to love ourselves. When something does not go as planned in your life, instead of verbally beating yourself down, treat yourself as though you were a small child or someone you love. How does your physical demeanor change? How do your words change? We are all doing the best we can with the tools we are given. 

Marvel at the Body

Did you know your heart pumps about two thousand gallons of blood each day and beats around 2.5 billion times over the course of a life? (G. Schiraldi, 2016). Our entire lives your sturdy heart is working to bring life to your body. If you can shift your perspective of your body and the wonderful things it does each moment, it may become easier to return the favor and care for it, too. This looks like appreciation for all the working parts of the body, daily movement, nourishment you enjoy eating, and even following a sleep routine. In Shiraldi’s Self-Esteem Workbook, she describes a chapter called “Experience Self-Compassion at the Body Level”. One of the exercises encourages you to place your hands over your heart and repeat:

May I be safe. 

May I be peaceful. 

May I be kind to myself. 

May I accept myself as I am. 

Hobbies! 

One of the many aspects of Japan that I enjoyed while working as an English teacher there, was their dedication to hobbies. Many Japanese people I knew and saw dedicated themselves to painting, drawing, sewing, yoga, speaking another language, hiking, or cooking. On the weekend, I would see elderly individuals sketching public buildings and fields of blooming flowers from the shade of the trees in the local park. 

Imagine how fulfilling it would be to immerse yourself in the flow and even create for gifts! Also, it is pretty difficult to get lost down a negative thought spiral when you are concentrating on what row you are crocheting! Having a hobby also give you a sense of mastery and accomplishment, improving mood and self-esteem. 

Quick Tip: Set a weekly alarm or block off time in your calendar to engage in your hobby to prevent it from becoming the unfinished blanket you tried to knit three years ago (just me?). 

Do what works for you, and hopefully these tips can be an inspiration for your own self-love routine. There are so many other beautiful ways to cultivate self love. It is a life long journey and loving and growing.

Resources:

The Self-Esteem Workbook by Glenn R. Schiraldi, 2016.